I'm looking forward to powering my life with Vivoleum.
Vivoleum is the fuel of the future. In the coming decades, as global climate change wreaks havoc on the weather, crops, and health and well being of mostly third world nations, the oil industry will begin to render Vivoleum from human flesh--specifically, from the victims of these catastrophes.
This Soylent Green-like scenario was unveiled yesterday in Calgary, Alberta, during the keynote speech for GO-EXPO, Canada's largest gas and oil show. The show had an estimated 20,000 visitors; 300 oil executives were on hand for the Vivoleum announcement.
"With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster," said ExxonMobil rep. Florian Osenberg, "but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left."
Okay, if you haven't figured it out already, Florian Osenberg doesn't really work for ExxonMobil. He's the alter ego of Mike Bonnano, of the activist/prankster group, The Yes Men.
After Bonnano and Andy Bichlbaum--posing as National Petroleum Council rep. Shepard Wolff--attempted to get members of the audience to light ceremonial Vivoleum candles, they were forced off the stage by security guards.
In the past, in similar ruses, the Yes Men have announced everything from the dissolution of the WTO, to oil companies donating their profits to build better levees for New Orleans, to a new mascot for Dow chemical: Goldie, the golden risk assessment skeleton.
Because it's okay to have a skeleton in your corporation's closet if it's a golden skeleton.
I saw them last when they came to the 9:30 club on the True/False tour. Brilliant stuff. Not to be missed.
Tickets go on sale today at 10:00 a.m.